By Steven Luna
A smart-mouthed supernatural dude who tells it love it is - sharp-tongued, snarky, and sarcastic to a fault. He simply turned a vampire, and he is not satisfied approximately it in any respect. So he is telling the full global the way it relatively is to be undead, and in reality no longer pretty...but it'd be beautiful hilarious. Real-life meets afterlife in Joe Vampire, a post-modern mixture of darkish comedy, heartfelt romance, and unforeseen suspense.
Hey, parents. I’m Joe, and I’m a vampire – no longer by way of selection, brain you, yet via accident…a fate-twisting, fang-creating, blood lust-inducing false impression. It all started with a gaggle date, a case of flawed id and much too many sake bombers, and ended with a daft set of situations that I simply can’t appear to wrap my head round. possibly you could inform: I’m now not actual satisfied approximately it. yet I’m not at all going to allow it get within the manner of my lifestyles. So I’ve thrown my ranting right into a weblog. I’m putting out my soiled laundry with a view to clarify the true deal approximately being a card-carrying member of the Undead Elite. probably it's going to aid others comprehend the reality approximately vampires. probably it's going to aid me come to phrases with it, too. think me, it’s no longer all satin capes and bare ladies…none of it's, really. One bare girl will be great. in its place, it’s only one nasty little shock after one other. the reality bears exposing, and I’m pulling again the curtain on it all. If i will be able to work out how one can maintain it from mowing me over within the strategy, then that’s groovy, too. And that factor approximately vampires gleaming within the solar? that could be a bunch of bull.
What readers are saying:
"The vampire's humanity that Anne Rice strives for within the Vampire Chronicles? [Luna] captures it completely and well in his sleek story of the supernatural everyman."
"I completely enjoyed this booklet. It used to be jam-packed with witty sarcasm, humor, heartbreak and suspense."
"Joe Vampire is fun out loud hysterical, occasionally poignant, learn. i like to recommend this booklet to somebody searching for a humorous, sarcastic examine the undead life."
"I laughed out loud a number of instances examining this booklet and giggled such a lot of occasions my husband made me depart the room to move learn elsewhere!"
Read or Download Joe Vampire (Joe Vampire Series Book 1) PDF
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Extra resources for Joe Vampire (Joe Vampire Series Book 1)
And shoving it on other folks. i used to be numb by the point he was once accomplished, and that i imagine he knew he’d beaten me. We simply shook palms, and he informed me if I ever had to speak it via I knew the place to discover him. I walked away feeling extra pity for him than I most likely must have, understanding that i used to be within the similar boat and rowing correct beside him towards the falls. I’d hate to have humans pitying me for this, and that i without doubt wasn’t going to pity myself. As undesirable as I felt for Don, I’d be damned if i used to be going to allow his badly deliberate response to his personal life-ruining event make certain my direction. i used to be too shell-shocked at that second to appreciate that it already had. publish 12 The extra you recognize i would wish to tackle a couple of universal misconceptions approximately We the Undead, a manner of unscrewing a number of the nuts and bolts of vampirition now that i've got extra own adventure with such issues. In no specific order: • Garlic repels them – this is often basically type of precise. It’s now not the main friendly scent on the earth for us – the same as sweaty crotch boiled in apple cider vinegar – but when you may get earlier that, there’s no cause you can’t take pleasure in a pleasant pesto every now and then. • Crosses ward them off – For the Christian vampires, possibly. I’m Jewish, even though – remotely, yet nonetheless. So crosses don’t have the meant influence. A mezuzah may possibly perform a little harm, or perhaps a celebrity of David. Haven’t attempted it notwithstanding, and I’m no longer approximately to look for difficulty. • they've got no reflections – no longer real. I nonetheless see myself in each glossy floor, light and gaunt, a merciless token of the truth that I’m no longer as i was. electronic images doesn’t do me any favors, although. yet which could simply be negative lighting fixtures on white epidermis. not anything somewhat Photoshopping can’t look after. • A stake throughout the center will kill them – quite, wouldn’t that kill anyone? i've got no heartbeat notwithstanding, so there’s no telling at this element. Let's simply wish I by no means need to discover. This adventure has been much like studying the grotesque scoop approximately Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Ziggy Stardust multi functional truth-revealing go-around. merely consequently, I’m type of satisfied to benefit that no matter what I’ve come to think in regards to the magical land of Vampiria was once going to be much less magical than all of the fictional mumbo-jumbo had allow on. i might a lot fairly have heard that Santa and Ziggy have been actual and vampires have been bogus, although; in that state of affairs, all people makes out like a bandit and not anyone craves an individual else’s blood. simply cookies and super-bad haircuts. yet you don’t constantly get to settle on what finally ends up as myth and what seems to be fact. occasionally you need to experience the wave you land on and sidestep the rocks as most sensible you could. For the instant, I’m simply placing ten till I hit the shore. After speaking to Don, i noticed that this was once going to be a long-haul kind of factor. there'll be no quickly repair; I’ll need to tricky it out, and someway healthy it into the existence I’m nonetheless made up our minds to have. The important statistics don’t lie: so far as my significant platforms are involved, it's not that i am completely residing anymore.