By Terry Southern
This choice of Southern's brief items -- dozen hilarious, well-observed, and devastating sketches that disclose the hypocrisy of yankee social mores -- is well known as an underground vintage
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There’s one right here, the following, in this floor—day-nurse . . . a darling, completely darling little previous lady—she’s let’s see, how previous is [name] now . . . ? She’s sixty . . . 4. Sixty-four years outdated! And a wonderful nurse! relatively. terrific candy previous girl! yet, I suggest, ha, ha, good, I don’t brain telling you it’s . . . good, it’s an extraordinary factor, a really infrequent factor! Q. convinced, good– A. yet hear . . . only a minute—what did you are saying? earlier than? You stated why can’t they make it with them? The sufferers and so on—is that what you stated? Q. good, you stated they have been pissed off . . . A. good, yet that’s unlikely to alter their . . . good, what sort of health facility is that, for heaven’s sake! With the nurses getting laid in all places! you're thinking that they need to do this? Ha, ha, you . . . you’ve acquired a few humorous principles approximately hospitals! Q. I didn’t say they need to do this, I simply questioned in the event that they did. A. And an all-gay medical institution! Ha, ha! That’s very humorous! Q. good, you don’t imagine that’s . . . what, that isn’t even achieveable? A. good, you couldn’t get an all-gay employees to regard basically homosexual sufferers, i will let you know that. Q. yet wouldn't it be attainable to have an all-gay employees? I suggest are there homosexual janitors, for instance? A. Oh, ho-ho! Are there! Q. good then, theoretically– A. Ha, ha! a few of my top associates are homosexual janitors! Q. good, the purpose– A. No, no, that used to be a comic story! Q. sure, I detect that, I notice that. It’s very humorous. A. Ho-ho! You didn’t snort! Q. good . . . I did fairly. I suggest I realize it as a comic story. I recognize it as a funny story. Ha, ha. How’s that? A. Ha, ha . . . good, you've gotten a few humorous rules approximately hospitals, that’s all i will say. Q. I don’t have any rules approximately it—I sought after you to inform me approximately it. I suggest we’ve . . . you’ve made definite generalizations, approximately medical professionals and so forth, so i used to be asking approximately that. A. approximately an all-gay clinic? Q. good, an all-gay employees, certain. A. good, it might be a rattling sturdy health center, i will inform you that. greater than any there at the moment are. Q. good, what concerning the . . . wouldn’t the homosexual employees try and . . . try and make the most of the non-gay sufferers? whereas they have been asleep, or weakened or whatever? A. Ha, ha! good, I suggest for those who name love and . . . and—well, what do you suggest “take virtue of”? Q. good, I don’t recognize . . . it kind of feels like they might. A. good, besides, one thing—you should be definite of having lots of consciousness! Q. certain . . . A. and that i do suggest you! Q. Uh-huh . . . A. Ha, ha! Now, now, don’t take it so person-ally! The Blood of a Wig MY so much OUTLANDISH DRUG adventure, now that i believe approximately it, didn’t take place with beat Village or Harlem weirdos, yet in the course of a quick run with the ten-to-four Mad Ave crowd. the way it occurred, this pal of mine who was once operating at Lance (“The magazine for Men”) phoned me one morning—he knew i used to be strapped. “One of the fiction editors is out with syph or something,” he stated. “You are looking to take his position for it slow? ” i used to be nonetheless commonly asleep, so i attempted to chill it through capturing a number of incisive queries as to the character of the gig—which he couldn’t appear to keep on with. “Well,” he acknowledged ultimately, “you won’t need to do whatever, if that’s what you suggest.