Download E-books The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said PDF

Drawing from various personages -- Goethe to Churchill to Woody Allen -- Robert Byrne has mined a set of wit and knowledge that merits a unique position on each humor lover's bookshelf. those precise, witty, and outrageous quotations, formerly released in 4 separate volumes, at the moment are collected jointly in a possible unlimited trove of pithy and infrequently irreverent one-liners, retorts, put-downs, jokes, and final phrases that disguise each attainable topic and may attract each flavor. Highlights comprise:
"Start each day with a grin and get it over with." -- W. C. Fields
"Men learn maps higher than ladies simply because in simple terms males keep in mind that an inch can equivalent 100 miles." -- Roseanne Barr
"Happiness is having a wide loving kinfolk in one other city." -- George Burns

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From A refrain Line 2,381 Why don’t a few humans simply shoot themselves within the head the day they're born? —Arkady Renko 2,382 In eco-friendly Bay, Wisconsin, ten bowling shirts are thought of an excellent dresser. —Greg Koch 2,383 now not as undesirable as you've got imagined. —Motto prompt for brand spanking new Jersey via Calvin Trillin 2,384 most well known to Youngstown. —Motto recommended for Akron, Ohio, by way of Calvin Trillin 2,385 someone who speaks reliable English in ny seems like a foreigner. —Jackie Mason 2,386 big apple is an exhilarating city the place anything is going on for all time, so much of it unsolved. —Johnny Carson 2,387 a fascinating factor approximately manhattan urban is that the subways run in the course of the sewers. —Garrison Keillor 2,388 On a brand new York subway you get fined for spitting, yet you could throw up for not anything. —Lewis Grizzard 2,389 ny urban is full of an identical form of humans I left New Jersey to escape from. —Fran Lebowitz 2,390 On New Year’s Eve, humans in New Jersey not sleep until hour of darkness and watch their hopes drop. —Richard Lewis 2,391 to be able to be secure at the streets at evening, hold a projector and slides of your final holiday. —Helen Mundis 2,392 the pinnacle television indicates in Russia are “Bowling for meals” and “Wheel of Torture. ” —Yakov Smirnoff 2,393 The Russians love Brooke Shields simply because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev. —Robin Williams 2,394 paintings is set making whatever out of not anything and promoting it. —Frank Zappa 2,395 i don't search, i locate. —Pablo Picasso (1881–1973) 2,396 a specific thing of attractiveness is a pleasure for your time. —Hal Lee Luyah 2,397 i'm a critic—as necessary to the theater as ants to a picnic. —Joseph Mankiewicz (1909–1992) 2,398 with out track, existence will be a mistake. —Friedrich Nietzsche (1844–1900) 2,399 i've got performed over the tune of that scoundrel Brahms. What a giftless bastard! —Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky (1840–1893) 2,400 If Beethoven were killed in a aircraft crash on the age of 22, it'll have replaced the background of track ... and of aviation. —Tom Stoppard 2,401 Bach in an hour. Offenbach quicker. —Sign on track shop door 2,402 i used to be interested in the nice people track Scare again within the sixties, while it virtually stuck on. —Martin Mull 2,403 We aren’t apprehensive approximately posterity; we'd like it to sound strong right away. —Duke Ellington (1899–1974) 2,404 tune TITLES: “I Can’t recover from a guy such as you, So You’ll need to resolution the telephone. ” —Melody Anne “You’re the one factor That’s emerging within the bitter Dough of lifestyles. ” —Maxine Edwards “If I needed to Do all of it another time, I’d Do all of it Over You. ” —Abe Burrows “Don’t take a seat less than the Apple Tree with an individual Else yet Me. ” —Isaac Newton (1642–1727), probably? “I Gave Her a hoop, and she or he Gave Me the Finger. ” —Unknown “I Can’t go to sleep because you Sat on My Pillow final evening. ” —David E. Ortman 2,405 If it weren’t for the japanese and Germans, we wouldn’t have any stable conflict video clips. —Stanley Ralph Ross 2,406 outdated infantrymen by no means die, simply youngsters. —Graffito 2,407 struggle is the unfolding of miscalculations.

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