Drawing from various personages -- Goethe to Churchill to Woody Allen -- Robert Byrne has mined a set of wit and knowledge that merits a unique position on each humor lover's bookshelf. those precise, witty, and outrageous quotations, formerly released in 4 separate volumes, at the moment are collected jointly in a possible unlimited trove of pithy and infrequently irreverent one-liners, retorts, put-downs, jokes, and final phrases that disguise each attainable topic and may attract each flavor. Highlights comprise:
"Start each day with a grin and get it over with." -- W. C. Fields
"Men learn maps higher than ladies simply because in simple terms males keep in mind that an inch can equivalent 100 miles." -- Roseanne Barr
"Happiness is having a wide loving kinfolk in one other city." -- George Burns
Read Online or Download The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said PDF
Best Humor books
As soon as, in a gods-forsaken hellhole referred to as Koom Valley, trolls and dwarfs met in bloody strive against. Centuries later, each one species nonetheless perspectives the opposite with simmering animosity. in recent times, the influential dwarf, Grag Hamcrusher, has been fomenting unrest between Ankh-Morpork's extra diminutive citizens—a unstable state of affairs made a ways worse while the pint-size provocateur is found bashed to loss of life .
It's not a lot of an island that rises up one moonless evening from the depths of the Circle Sea—just a number of sq. miles of silt and a few previous ruins. regrettably, the traditionally disputed lump of land known as Leshp is once more floating without delay among Ankh-Morpork and town of Al-Khali at the coast of Klatch—which is spark sufficient to ignite that excellent foreign hobby known as "war.
After adventures with Charles Darwin, Captain Ahab, and Karl Marx, The Pirate Captain faces off opposed to his toughest—though now not his biggest—challenge but: Napoleon Bonaparte. Bruised from a crushing sadness on the Pirate of the 12 months Awards, the Pirate Captain comes to a decision that it’s time for a profession switch.
A cheerful team, it truly is stated, is a efficient group. Mmmm. attempt telling that to a military of belligerent goblins. Or the massive undesirable Wolf. Or a certified dragons layer. who's taking care of their future health? Who offers a rattling approximately their insupportable operating stipulations, loss of sufficient medical health insurance, and poor espresso within the canteen?
Additional resources for The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said
From A refrain Line 2,381 Why don’t a few humans simply shoot themselves within the head the day they're born? —Arkady Renko 2,382 In eco-friendly Bay, Wisconsin, ten bowling shirts are thought of an excellent dresser. —Greg Koch 2,383 now not as undesirable as you've got imagined. —Motto prompt for brand spanking new Jersey via Calvin Trillin 2,384 most well known to Youngstown. —Motto recommended for Akron, Ohio, by way of Calvin Trillin 2,385 someone who speaks reliable English in ny seems like a foreigner. —Jackie Mason 2,386 big apple is an exhilarating city the place anything is going on for all time, so much of it unsolved. —Johnny Carson 2,387 a fascinating factor approximately manhattan urban is that the subways run in the course of the sewers. —Garrison Keillor 2,388 On a brand new York subway you get fined for spitting, yet you could throw up for not anything. —Lewis Grizzard 2,389 ny urban is full of an identical form of humans I left New Jersey to escape from. —Fran Lebowitz 2,390 On New Year’s Eve, humans in New Jersey not sleep until hour of darkness and watch their hopes drop. —Richard Lewis 2,391 to be able to be secure at the streets at evening, hold a projector and slides of your final holiday. —Helen Mundis 2,392 the pinnacle television indicates in Russia are “Bowling for meals” and “Wheel of Torture. ” —Yakov Smirnoff 2,393 The Russians love Brooke Shields simply because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev. —Robin Williams 2,394 paintings is set making whatever out of not anything and promoting it. —Frank Zappa 2,395 i don't search, i locate. —Pablo Picasso (1881–1973) 2,396 a specific thing of attractiveness is a pleasure for your time. —Hal Lee Luyah 2,397 i'm a critic—as necessary to the theater as ants to a picnic. —Joseph Mankiewicz (1909–1992) 2,398 with out track, existence will be a mistake. —Friedrich Nietzsche (1844–1900) 2,399 i've got performed over the tune of that scoundrel Brahms. What a giftless bastard! —Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky (1840–1893) 2,400 If Beethoven were killed in a aircraft crash on the age of 22, it'll have replaced the background of track ... and of aviation. —Tom Stoppard 2,401 Bach in an hour. Offenbach quicker. —Sign on track shop door 2,402 i used to be interested in the nice people track Scare again within the sixties, while it virtually stuck on. —Martin Mull 2,403 We aren’t apprehensive approximately posterity; we'd like it to sound strong right away. —Duke Ellington (1899–1974) 2,404 tune TITLES: “I Can’t recover from a guy such as you, So You’ll need to resolution the telephone. ” —Melody Anne “You’re the one factor That’s emerging within the bitter Dough of lifestyles. ” —Maxine Edwards “If I needed to Do all of it another time, I’d Do all of it Over You. ” —Abe Burrows “Don’t take a seat less than the Apple Tree with an individual Else yet Me. ” —Isaac Newton (1642–1727), probably? “I Gave Her a hoop, and she or he Gave Me the Finger. ” —Unknown “I Can’t go to sleep because you Sat on My Pillow final evening. ” —David E. Ortman 2,405 If it weren’t for the japanese and Germans, we wouldn’t have any stable conflict video clips. —Stanley Ralph Ross 2,406 outdated infantrymen by no means die, simply youngsters. —Graffito 2,407 struggle is the unfolding of miscalculations.