By Robert Rankin
We've all been lied to. a superb and sinister conspiracy exists to maintain us from uncovering the reality approximately our prior. have you questioned how Victorians dreamed up all that brilliant futuristic fiction? Did it ever happen to you that it could simply were dependent upon truth? That THE conflict OF THE WORLDS used to be a real account of actual occasions? That Captain Nemo' s Nautilus even now lies rusting on the backside of the North Sea? That there particularly was once an invisible guy? And what in regards to the different stuff? were you aware that Queen Victoria had a sexual dating with Dr Watson? Or that the elephant guy was once a made of an E.T./human hybridisation programme? Or that Jack the Ripper was once a terminator robotic despatched from the longer term? learn on: and learn the way a cabal of Victorian Witches from the Chiswick Townswomen's Guild, operating with complicated Babbage super-computers, rewrote nineteenth Century background, and the way a twenty third Century boy known as Will Starling exposed the reality approximately every thing.
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Flatterer,” stated Mr Justice D. “What? ” went Will. And “What? ” went the opposite also will. And “I object,” stated Tim McGregor. “And why? ” requested the Justice of the Peace. “I’m now not completely certain,” acknowledged Tim. “But I don’t just like the sound of this snail boy. ” “Oooooooooooooooooooooh! ” went the gang. And “Oooooooooooooooooooooh! ” went the gents of the clicking additionally, and the chaps from the BBC or even the blonde Swedish climate woman, even supposing she made extra of an “Ooh”, and threw her head again whilst she did it. “What? ” acknowledged Tim. “Impugning the popularity of snails for truth-telling,” acknowledged the Justice of the Peace. “You’re stepping on slippery floor. ” “Whatever,” acknowledged Tim. “Then I don’t item. in truth I welcome this witness. Wheel the blighter in. ” “Oooooooooooooooooooooh,” went all involved back. “Ow! ” went the blonde Swedish climate woman, and she or he slapped a reporter who was once touching her bum. “What? ” went Tim once more. “What is each person oooooooooooooooooooohing for, this time? ” “Wheelchair-bound,” stated Mr Gwynplaine Dhark. “A quite tasteless comment in your half. ” “But,” acknowledged Tim. “But. ” “Call grasp Makepiece Scribbens,” known as the Justice of the Peace. “Call Mr Monkfish Scriwens,” referred to as the clerk of the courtroom, who had a boil in his left ear. “Call Mrs Mavis Wiverns,” referred to as a court docket bailiff on the door, who had a wart on his backside that used to be being handled via acupuncture. “Calling occupants from interplanetary craft,” known as a constable within the hall, whose nice grandson might at some point locate status writing lyrics for The Carpenters. The court docket door was once open the gang was once silently stilled the ambience used to be electrical All hearts have been thricely overjoyed And from past the hall got here the sound of squeakity-squeak And nearer and nearer and nearer got here anyone a guy? Or a monster? A freak? “It doesn’t must be performed in verse,” acknowledged a BBC sound technician. “But i'm the poet laureate,” acknowledged the poet laureate. “And I’m going outlast on air. ” “Sorry,” acknowledged the sound technician. “Please stick with it. ” “I can’t now; I’ve misplaced my muse. ” “Perhaps you left it on your different kilt,” acknowledged the sound technician. “I’ll pass and feature a wee look,” acknowledged the poet laureate, the good McGonagall. And into the court docket got here grasp Makepiece Scribbens, the Brentford Snail Boy. All eyes have been grew to become in the direction of the door, yet upon his front and upon the sight of him many eyes grew to become away in horror. yet each one of these quickly grew to become again, simply because, good, you’d simply need to have an excellent previous glance, wouldn’t you? in spite of everything, he used to be raised through snails. “I do wish this can be going to be worthwhile,” acknowledged Mr Justice Doveston. “There’s been lots of build-up. ” “Trust me,” stated Mr Gwynplaine Dhark. “I’m a Queen’s assistance. ” A nanny driven the wheelchair. She was once a truly beautiful younger nanny, brilliant of eye and rosy of cheek. Her identify was once omit Poppins. Her wheelchair-bound cost used to be neither brilliant of eye, nor rosy of cheek. A blanket coated the main of him and the main of him it coated appeared lumpen and shapeless. The little of him that used to be seen, to whit the top quarter, used to be puffy and bloated.